You're Invited...

Hello Stress...

Let me just start out by saying that rarely do things in my life ever go according to plan. Period.

This weekend we found out that OS's brother is getting deployed in early October, and since he and OS are pretty tight, we really didn't want him and his new wife to miss the wedding, which was originally scheduled for October 10th.

We chose the date of October 10th for several reasons. First and foremost, 10/10 is easy to remember, and I figured it upped my chances of getting anniversary presents in the future. It IS all about me, after all. Also, that weekend was the break in between my two fall sessions of class, (again...me, me, me) and the weather here in October is usually pretty mild. OS has always wanted to get married on his grandfather's farm (Oh, score one for OS!), and we figured the fall foliage would be a beautiful setting....so 10/10 it was!

However, after we realized that his brother wouldn't be able to come we quickly threw the date out the window and decided to move things up a couple of weeks, so he could come. This is what happened when that ball started rolling....


OS on the phone to his mom: How about September 26th?


Mommy In Law: That sounds good. He can come then.


OS on the phone to the photographer (Who we have paid and signed a contract with.): We need to change the date for the wedding.


Photographer: No problem! When?


OS: the 26th.


Photographer: Problem. I'm booked that day. I'm also not available the 12th. Any other date is good though.


OS on the phone to MIL: 26th is a no go. How about the 19th?


MIL: The 19th is fine here. Check with your grandfather about the farm.


OS on the phone to Grandfather: We can't do the 10th...how about the 19th?


Grandfather: We can't have it here on the 19th...we're having our 50th high school reunion...been planned for months. Any other date is fine.


OS to me: Ok...October is out. The 26th, 19th, and 12th of September are out. How about the 5th?

Me: That's a month from now! And it's Labor Day....but I'll check with the photographer.


Me on the phone to the Photographer: Can you do the wedding on the 5th (crossing fingers) even though it's Labor Day?


Photographer: Sure! I'm happy to! (I love her by the way.)


Me to OS: We can do the 5th...everyone is free....RING RING RING (this is OS's phone ringing...)


MIL on the phone to OS: We can't do the 5th....that's when we're going to Florida to see the new grandbaby....


OS to me: Courthouse???

Me: That's sounding better all the time!

Sleep....Sleep....Sleep

OS the next day: Want to marry me in three weeks? On August 29th? In the sweltering heat....outside....on the farm....with my brother and the photographer there....and a bunch of bugs probably???? Wanna????

Me: HELL YES!

SO......we're getting married in less than three weeks!!!! The rest of the weekend was a blur...there was a phone call to a friend that sounded something like, "Hey...how are you...oh that's good...listen, I need about 60 wedding invitations...don't care what they look like...and by the way I need them done tonight so I can come get them and mail them out this week." And in true friend for life fashion she said, "You got it, sister!" Invitations are in the mail. Then I called the friend that is doing alterations to my dress and said, "Listen, no pressure, but the wedding is in three weeks...can you rush my dress?" And she said, "No problem. Want to come for a final fitting next weekend?" Dress, CHECK. Then, OS and I ran through Target with a scanner gun and registered. I had to restrain my future husband as we walked past the big screen tv's...."No honey, no one loves us enough to buy us a big screen for a wedding present....PUT. THE. GUN. DOWN. Towels.....Towels and tupperware...that's what people buy." And we even drove up to the farm last night at 5:30...the same time the wedding will be...and realized we'll have a nice shady spot to get married in.

We're taking bets on the number of people that suspect a pregnancy is the reason for the quick nuptials...but it's not. We just want those that we love to be around us as we begin this journey together. I honestly couldn't be happier!

And if any of you are in the Nashville area on August 29th, grab your bug spray and head to the big hill on the farm....there will be love there.

The Core

There's an exercise I do with patients at work that involves "pulling your core to the floor." And yesterday at the gym, while reading an issue of "Natural Health" and kicking ass on the elliptical machine, there was an article on core exercise with pictures of petite, toned, tanned women perfectly balancing on their tailbones with their arms pointed up beyond their heads and their toes extended towards "the healthy person's heaven"...or something.


In light of my impending wedding I've gotten back into diet and exercise mode. I'm counting carbs, watching portions, and (GASP) even went back to the gym from which OS and I had taken a month long "we're in love so who gives a f**k what we look like" hiatus. While I will admit that my major motivation right now is the fact that I just dropped a lot of money on a photographer that will be taking pictures to be posted on the walls of at least 3 different living rooms that I know of...I am motivated right now to turn my health around. So I've been making changes in the diet, working the gym back into my routine, and popping vitamins and other little pellets of herbally goodness. I even sifted through the On Demand exercises to find a core workout. Apparently, it's all about "the core."


But there is a different core that I need to be paying attention to. Lately, I have been so overwhelmed with life and marriage and school and mommyhood and finances and...well you get the drift...that in all this wonderful mess of good and plenty that I have been blessed with, I have paid absolutely no attention to me...the me that God speaks to and works on and nourishes....the place where He goes to get to the bottom of things....my gut....my spirit...my core. My being over the past month or so has made quite a comfy little home being dependant on all of my surrounding circumstances for sustenance.

As long as OS and I are thriving...then I am good.

As long as E is happy...then I am good.

As long as money is plentiful...then I am good.

As long as school is manageable...then I am good.

As long as THINGS are good...then I am good.

But somewhere in the midst of all of this, I wasn't good anymore. And I have gotten frustrated with myself for it....for not feeling as good as I SHOULD....because look at all of my blessings! I should be walking on sunshine...and instead I have felt a dark cloud hanging overhead.

Over the past few days of focusing on getting my physical health in balance, I have come to realize that my spiritual health is in need of an overhaul. Very quickly and very easily, I began to rely on the wrong things to bring health and balance to my spirit. This is a dangerous place for me to stagnate, because right on the heels of the superficial happiness that is dependant on other people and other things is a mighty paralyzing depression that I know all too well. It's a sickness that creeps it's way into my head and then into my spirit. It packs hopelessness as its ammunition, and it uses lies as its fuel. In a word, it blows, and when I am not on top of my game spiritually, it blows any measure of happiness and blessing in my life right out of the water.

So today I am feeding myself a decent dose of truth. My relationships with the people that I love can bring blessing and joy into my life, but they cannot make me happy. School can bring direction and purpose into my life, but it cannot make me happy. Money can bring me more headaches and more things, but it cannot make me happy. Other people...other places...other things....can change my circumstances, but they cannot make me happy. The spiritual truth is that my happiness must rest in the voice and the Spirit of God. His call on my spirit is often quiet and gentle, because His desire is that I will seek Him in full knowledge that I will find Him when I do. His plan offers me wisdom, because there is a purpose that He intends for me to pursue. His fulfillment is not based on circumstances, but on the truth of knowing that when I dig into the meat of His promises, that I will be satisfied with a feast of His understanding.

My focus has been situated on the outward scene. I love the outward scene and the people that occupy it. I love the direction that my life is going, and the people that are going there with me. I am abundantly blessed with a wealth beyond monetary value. But all of this is nothing, if I don't stay in clear communication with The One who directs this path. So today I am adjusting my focus with an inward lens in order to better see The Source. If I seek Him, I will find Him. When I find Him, He will speak. When He speaks, I will listen. When I listen, I find peace.

This, I believe...to my very core.

Blog Slug

I know....I suck.

Lately I've had everything in the world to blog about, and for some reason, absolutely nothing to say! I've tried several times to sort through all the thoughts I'm having...dealing with....loving...hating...and none of them seem to come out as quite blog worthy. This is strange to me considering my life is happening at warp speed these days and I should be spewing blog worthy thoughts out my ears...but oh well. See...I can't even justify my lameness in a creative way. Ugh.

So in the interest of keeping updated the handful of you who still check this thing...here's what's been going on in my neck of the woods:

*officially finished my first year of grad school....onto year two! I can practically taste my degree.
*have received parental approval of my fiance...along with comments like, and I quote, "You two are a good fit" and "You seem more comfortable with him than anyone I've ever seen you with!" Color me happy.
*Gearing up for my first flea market vendor booth...half painted furniture is ALL OVER MY HOUSE. Lots to do....very little time....oh, Lord help me.
*Made major strides in potty training E. He still won't tell you when he needs to go...and there was that one time he forgot to point the Mr. down and peed on the dog...but progress is being made just the same.
*dropped my wedding dress off to have alterations made.
*booked the photographer and have a general idea of all wedding details.
*have opened a joint checking account. And paid joint bills.
*converted E's playroom into a den and organized E's bedroom so he can play in there now.
*and the list just keeps going....

I realize this isn't very exciting. But it made me sad to think of my blog being all....quiet.

I'll try to come up with something a little more interesting for the next post. I get that it's very unfair to subject you people to this. Please accept my heartfelt apologies and rest in the fact that I'm sure I'll be back in no time just blogging away about issues that would be better left to therapy. Lucky you!

LUCKY. YOU.