Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Happy Anniversary

Every girl wants the fairytale...Prince Charming to take her by the hand and say, "I will love you forever, I will never leave you. No matter what life throws at us, we'll handle it together. We're a team....it's me and you." Every girl wants that.

When I got married over 4 years ago, I thought I married someone who wanted that with me. But I am quickly approaching the anniversary of the day that he walked away...the day he said he didn't want to do life with me anymore...the day he gave up on our family and left me sitting in the living room floor amid piles of folded laundry and broken dreams.

I have been dreading this day all year. For some reason I have been afraid that this day is going to hurt....hurt almost as bad as it did a year ago. But after a recent inventory of my life, the anniversary isn't so scary. It's not only the anniversary of the day he left...it's the anniversary of my rebirth.

A year ago, I looked in the mirror and realized that I had some semblence of control over the reflection staring back at me. I realized that not only did I barely recognize the woman I had become, I didn't really love her. A year ago, I began the journey of discovering the potential that God planted in my spirit, and I unlocked enthusiasm for life that had been held captive beneath an emotionally abusive marriage.

Before that day I had very few friends, no direction, and nothing to call my own. My only hobbies were taking care of my husband and son and fitting into their lives and their schedules. If someone asked me what I liked to do, I didn't know the answer.

Since that day I have learned to pick myself up, brush myself off, and stand firmly on my own feet. I have taken charge of my finances, lost over 20 pounds, rediscovered my skinny jeans, bought my own house, started school, paid for school (somewhat painfully), learned how to fix a toilet, painted MY walls, made my own curtains, run a mile in the rain, started taking pole dancing classes (which I LOVE!), and fallen in love with the joy of being a mom.

When he walked away and the slam of the door echoed behind him, I thought my life was over. But in that moment I got my fairytale. God met me on that living room floor, took me by the hand, and said, "I will love you forever, I will never leave you. No matter what life throws at us, we'll handle it together. We're a team....it's me and you."

That's the amazing thing about being a child of God...

...when the going gets tough, the Grace gets greater.

Bring on the anniversary...the best is yet to come.

4 comments:

Amy said...

I LOVE you and I'm so glad you are my friend!!! :)

Jen said...

I'm glad to see that you are doing so well; I really wish we had not lost touch. I'd love to really talk . . . you know, where you listen to each other's voices instead of reading Facebook posts or blog comments.

And, I never thought I'd see the day when "God" and "pole dancing" could be in the same blog post!!!

GraceGetsGreater said...

yeah...I'm full of surprises!

Lisa said...

i'm with jen...
i appreciate your vulnerability and am so glad to see you turned to the Lord in this time...
love your line too...
grace gets greater...