Saturday, December 27, 2008

Disturbia

My grandfather is dating. I think it is safely the strangest concept that I have ever been faced with. It's weird to think about your grandparent dating anyway....I mean, when people get into their late 70's and their spouses die, aren't they just supposed to drink coffee and sit around doing old people things?

Not my grandfather. He's actually dating.....and it gets better. Now....he has a girlfriend. She's 80. She's old, and wrinkly, and gray haired....and did I mention that she's really, really old?!?!

My grandfather, in my opinion, is not a good catch. He's the most emotionally unavailable man I've ever met. He is self-centered, set in his ways, and the only thing I've ever heard him express an interest in is guns, guns, and more guns.

But now that he's met this woman the conversation flows from guns to Dottie and back to guns again. It's really disturbing.

But it got worse yesterday at our family Christmas dinner. Mom told me that he had mentioned that he had been to Dottie's house the other day and they had watched movies. Shocked that my grandfather had actually sat through a movie that wasn't about the civil war, she couldn't resist asking for details. I seriously wish she had refrained.

Apparently, with his new chick by his side, my grandfather watched "Pretty Woman" and "Bridges of Madison County." EWWWWW. My grandfather sat by a woman and watched Richard Gere do Julia Roberts right there on top of a baby grand!

And it gets better. Then Dottie turned to my grandfather and told him that he looks like Kevin Costner. Seriously.

My grandfather unarguably DOES NOT look like Kevin Costner. He's old, fat, balding, wears glasses, and has man boobs! Dottie is clearly either senile or trying really hard to get laid. (Oh god...what if she already has?!?!?!?!)

The really disturbing thing about this whole situation isn't so much that she said that to my grandfather. It's that he actually had the audacity to repeat it.....out loud....to another human being.

I feel safe in saying that somewhere in Heaven, Jesus and my Nana are STILL laughing about it.


2 comments:

Martin said...

Why wouldn't you want your grandfather to be happy? You would prefer him to sit around and do "old people things" instead of living life and laughing and being happy? Shame on you.

GraceGetsGreater said...

Not quite the point....but ok. Shame on me. : )