Friday, December 26, 2008

Top Secret Christmas Confessions

In light of the Christmas season and the joy of Christ's birth, I feel the need to make some Christmas confessions. Take a deep it comes:

1. I made a pie for Christmas. I didn't follow the recipe and was horribly afraid that it would turn out awful. So to avoid the embarrassment of everyone at my house eating putrid pie, I spooned out a chunk in the middle and tasted it. When I realized it was delicious, I replaced the missing chunk with whipped topping and put it back in the fridge.

2. I coveted my sister's Christmas pajamas that we get every year from our mother. I know...I know...."thou shalt not covet." But they were all red and funky and mine were all light blue and...maternal. So I did it, right there on Christmas....I coveted. God forgive me.

3. I couldn't find E's Christmas stocking. I thought I had it, and then realized that the Ex got custody of said stocking in the divorce. By the time I came to the conclusion that his Christmas stocking was nowhere to be found, I could practically hear Santa and the reindeer prancing on the roof I grabbed his $.88 zoo animals and shoved them into an oven mitt. Seriously.

4. I watched Superbad. And laughed. (I realize this has nothing to do with Christmas...but I still feel strangely compelled to confess it.)

5. I recycled a gift that someone gave me for use in a Dirty Santa game. (Actually...this isn't so much a confession as it is a suggestion for all of you that have to throw away a mandatory $10 on a gift that no one wants or needs just for the sake of gift giving. In these tough economic times, it just makes sense.)

6. When my grandfather asked what time we were having dinner at my house on Christmas Eve...I fibbed and told him I wasn't sure. I was afraid he might come. More than that, I was afraid he might bring his really old girlfriend....and that's just plain weird. And a little bit gross.

7. I'm too cheap to buy Christmas decorations. Apparently my neighbor felt sorry for my house since it was the only one around with no obvious outpouring of Christmas spirit. So she came over one day when I wasn't looking and hammered Christmas wreaths to all of my windows, and strapped holly to my mailbox. At first I was embarrassed. Then I secretly started to wish she would also hang icicle lights from my front porch. She didn't.

8. The other day, when a customer was mad about her church's Christmas ad printing incorrectly (and was very rude to me about it) my reply email was laced with things like "I understand your frustration, but the Christmas service times were correct and the community will still receive the invitation to worship with you at Christmas" and "I hope that the joy of this holiday season will be felt at your Christmas Eve service"....not because I was feeling the Christmas spirit, but because I wanted her to feel guilty for being such a rude Christian at the holidays....and I didn't want to give her a free ad. I know....I'm horrible. But honest.

9. I got two Christmas cards this year. (Thanks, Jen!) And one of them was from the Palmetto Inn and Suites in Panama City Beach Florida, thanking me for my business this year. I'm a horrible friend. I didn't send them anything.

10. Money was a little tight this year, and I felt like E was going to have a lousy Christmas (even though he's still a little too young to care). So whenever anyone gave me a gift for E, it got stored at the back of the Christmas tree and on Christmas morning I laid out all of the presents like Santa brought them.

Wow...I feel better. : )


stacie said...

I'm sorry you coveted my pajamas--if it makes you feel any better, when A saw them he said "Wow, those are...colorful" in that "I don't really like those but you'll get mad if I say so, so I won't" tone of voice. Because I am so very perceptive, I picked up on what he was really trying to say. And because I am evil and like to torture him, I threatened to wear them out to dinner.

GraceGetsGreater said...

Oh you ARE evil. Next time he comes to pick you up you should be donning your Christmas pajamas with an awesome sweater. Have your coat on and your purse ready...just see what he says. : )

Martin said...

Again, you should really be ashamed of yourself. You are such a hypocrit- claiming to be "christian" and rubbing it in someone's face because they are upset about their church ad- yet you lie to your OWN grandfather?