The Blog That Should Have Been Broken Down Into Three Other Blogs...but wasn't.

So I spent a week thinking my internet was down. Since I "borrow" internet service from "someone" in my neighborhood....(praying for forgiveness)....I didn't think I had much control over this little debacle.

And then I went out of town this weekend...more on that in a minute....and my internet wouldn't work there either. Hmmm. Dilemma. At this point I made the BRILLIANT conclusion that it was a problem with my computer that was keeping me from my daily blog addiction and not actually "my" internet connection.

Upon getting home from work tonight I opened the yellow pages, dialed the number to a computer repair place, and began to describe the problem.

Me: My internet won't connect. I'm pretty sure it's a problem with my computer. It wouldn't work in a couple of different locations.

Computer Fixer Guy: Are there any other problems with your computer?

Me: No. Just this one.

Computer Fixer Guy: And you have wireless internet service?

Me: (hmmm....how to say it without ACTUALLY saying it....) Uh....yeah? Sort of.

Computer Fixer Guy: So you're piggybacking?

Me: (shameful....) Well....not at the moment.

Computer Fixer Guy: Is your wireless card all the way in your computer?

Me: (without looking) Of course! (looking)....oh wait....no....it's not. (Plugging the wireless card ALL THE WAY IN THE COMPUTER...) yeah....it's working now. Thanks for your help.

Computer Fixer Guy: No problem.

Me: obviously.

So yeah....I totally just deprived you all of my blog, because I'm a big enough idiot to not check to see if my wireless card is ALL THE WAY IN THE COMPUTER. The REALLY sad part about that is that it took being on the phone with a professional in order to bring that little fact to light. There should be a law for people like me to be required to have a giant warning sign enter the room 5 minutes before I do. It's only fair to give people a head start.....

Anyway....update #1 The New Job!
Today started my second week at my new job. So far, I'm really excited about the possibilities. I had a few moments of stress, but on the whole I think I've done really well, and my boss is very pleased with my performance. I've been able to set up some cracker jack marketing programs in the community, so as of right now, I'm calling success on the job situation. However, the new boss is VERY high strung, and some of my new co-workers seem to be at their wits' end. So far I haven't been subjected to the wrong end of one of his fits, but I'm sure my time is coming. Between now and then, I'm enjoying my new position and I officially no longer feel like my spirit is dying every time I walk in the front door of my place of employment.

Also....I don't know if I mentioned details on the new job...but I'm doing marketing and financial management for a chiropractor. My boss has very high expectations of me, but the good thing is I get free adjustments! On Friday, I believe he successfully cracked every joint in my body....

...full range of motion how I've missed you!

Update #2 Fatty Friday Volume 4

I haven't weighed myself since Fatty Friday Volume 2, and I'm not going to go do so at this moment either...partly because I only weigh myself naked and right after an early morning pee...and partly because I ate unusual food over the weekend (see update #3) and I doubt I've lost a single pound. However, my fridge is stocked with fruits and veggies, and I have successfully cut aspartame, refined sugar, and "white stuff" from my diet. I am eating things like fresh mozzarella, turkey, and basil on wasa crackers, greek yogurt with raspberries, and I'm drinking the dickens (that's a technical term) out of some green tea.

And let's just let the record show, that if I eat like this for 6 weeks straight and don't lose a single pound, you might just find yourself reading a blog about what happened when I slit my wrists with a wasa cracker.

AND....drum roll please.....

Update #3 The Road Trip

I have been itching to take a road trip for a while now. It's been a year since I left the state, and I was way overdue for a vacation! This, however, was going to be a different type of trip for me. I was taking E, my little travel buddy, with me! Through the power of Facebook I reconnected with an old friend, and we began discussing the idea of meeting "halfway" in Louisville for the weekend. I wanted to take E to the zoo...a better zoo than the one here...that didn't even have giraffes or lions when we went....and he wanted to see me and meet my baby boy. It seemed like a win win all the way around. However, about 2 weeks ago I began looking for a hotel...and nothing was available....and if it was available it was $300 a night....for the Holiday Inn. True Story. This is the point in the road trip planning where we realized that our Louisville Road Trip was planned for the same weekend as the Kentucky Derby.

The options for the trip were quickly changed to "camp out in the back of my xterra" or "change the destination." And since I can't plug my hair dryer with diffuser attachment into my xterra, we opted to change the destination.

"Why don't you just come here?" he said. "We have a zoo."

So instead of a road trip to Louisville, E and I went on a road trip to Cincinnati. We hopped in the car, and E was out cold before I got on the interstate. He was asleep for two and a half hours...the perfect little travel partner! The trip itself was pretty uneventful. We stayed at a hotel outside of Cincinnati, because my friend (who, by the way, I'm resisting the urge to blogger name "Boner"...it's probably not what you think....but it's fun to let you wonder...) had a memorial service to go to on Saturday, and I didn't want to overwhelm him with our visit.

We arrived at the hotel without incident, and after checking in, I gave E his first lesson on elevator buttons. He pushed them like a pro, and every time we went anywhere he looked at me with sheer joy on his face and said, "I push the buttons?!?!" And of course, I let him every time.

So Friday night, Boner (yeah....I can't resist an opportunity like that...) came to the hotel to get us, and we went out to dinner. He wanted us to experience a meal that "you can't get back home" so we went for Indian Food. I've never really eaten Indian Food, and being only two years old...neither has E. I wasn't even sure how to order...but Boner explained to me that you just select the meat, the bread, and the level of spiciness from 1-10. He ordered a 6. I wanted to go "bland", so the meal wouldn't be too spicy for E, so I got a three. My chicken came, I took one bite, and I felt like sparks must have been shooting from my ears! There was an aftershock of spiciness that was completely unexpected...like fire was bursting up through my sinuses trying to escape through my tear ducts. TOO SPICY. WAY TOO SPICY FOR A TWO YEAR OLD. I grabbed my water glass trying to douse the flames creeping through my nasal cavity. At this point tears are streaming down my face....MENTAL NOTE.....NEXT TIME DO NOT ORDER A THREE....ORDER A ZERO. ZERO. Got it, White Girl???

I set down my water glass and finally looked over at E, trying to figure out what I would feed him. Obviously if I couldn't handle this then he couldn't deal wi....oh wait....what's he doing? Eating the chicken from my plate? The spicy, singe the hair out of your nose chicken? The chicken that his mommy is too wussy to eat? THAT CHICKEN? And smiling? Seriously?

Yes. Seriously. My two year old can officially eat spicier food than me. And I sort of felt defensive about it. I sort of felt like getting right up in his little spicy chicken eating grill and being all like, "Oh yeah....well guess who's NOT getting to push the buttons when we get back to the hotel! What do you think of that, tough guy?!?!"

Anyway, Boner spent the rest of the evening showing us around Cincinnati, and the next day, E and I loaded up and went to the zoo...which had both giraffes and lions. They even had penguins, which E watched swim for a good 30 minutes. There were rhinos, flamingos, cheetahs, elephants, gorillas, meerkats, polar bears, tigers, baboons....and we got to see them all.

Yesterday, on the way back home, I asked E what his favorite part of the trip was. I expected some general toddler speak about feeding the giraffes or watching the penguins play on the rock and dive into the water. I expected an excited response about one of the many beautiful animals that God created. That was what I expected....but what I got was, "I push the buttons!!!!"

And there you have it, folks. It's the simple things in life. It's a new job that doesn't make you feel dead inside. It's eating all natural foods, because it's the better choice. It's catching up with an old friend. It's pushing the buttons on the elevator.....and by God....

It's having a wireless card that is PUSHED ALL THE WAY IN!

I realize that it's only been a week....but it's really good to be back! : )