Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Goodbye and Hello

I feel like I start a lot of blogs out this way, but this week has been weird.

First of all, I'm having cramps. Like SERIOUS, curl up in the fetal position, beg for Jesus to have mercy on your uterus kind of cramps. I haven't EVER had cramps like this. And while I'm thankful to have a working still kind of sucks. Just sayin'.

Second, my mom had to put her dog to sleep. I blogged about him a while We've seen it coming for a while now, so it wasn't a gut wrenching surprise. On Monday, I stopped by my parents' house while they were out. I had OS and E with me, and we were using their house for a quick pit stop on our Memorial Day Extravaganza. (Extravaganza meaning we drove around aimlessly and ate ice cream at Sonic.) While we were there, Bo threw up A a huge ass pile of vomit. OS quickly took E outside, and I stood there over the pile of dog puke. To be perfectly honest, I debated for a good 2 or 3 minutes about how bad of a daughter I would be if I just left the pile of vomit and acted like I had never been there. Would that make me a horrible human being? I decided that yes, it would actually make me one level below the white foam that collects in the corners of people's mouths when they need to stop talking and take a drink of water. So I grabbed some carpet cleaner and paper towels and made a "good daughter" attempt at cleaning up the vomit. If I had known that it would be Bo's last full day on earth, I might have said sweet things to him while I cleaned up the chunks instead of the gagging and "Eww, Bo! Seriously!" dialogue that actually occurred. Live and and learn.

Anyway, like I mentioned before, Bo and I weren't super close, so I'm ok with his passing. However, it does make me immensely sad for my mom, because WOW...she LOVED that dog. And it does make me incredibly sad to think of the moment that E goes looking for his furry friend and is left to wonder why his bed is no longer there....his water dish is no longer there...his friend is no longer there. And I just don't know how to make him understand. Obviously, if I was good at explaining difficult to understand concepts to my toddler, he would be pooping in the potty instead of in his pants. BUT...I suck at explaining things to my toddler....and therefore, I find myself still changing dirty diapers and at a complete loss for how to explain doggy death.



On Mother's Day I did something that I thought was very brave and mature of me. Get your "Pat Sara on the back" hand ready...because you're just gonna want to pat me after I tell you this. I reached out to "her." The Other Woman. The Woman Who is Living With My Ex Husband. The Woman Who was "THERE" Long Before She Should Have Been...and Stayed Long After I Left. The Woman Who Is Living My Old Life...with My Old Husband....In My Old House." You know....That Woman.

And that's kind of a long name for I'll blogger name her "Sasha"....mainly because that's what E calls her, because he couldn't say her name the right way when he was younger...and now that's what everyone calls her, including me.

I'll admit that over the past year and a half I've had mixed emotions for Sasha. Who wouldn't? But, contrary to what she's actually thought, she's not my least favorite person in the world. Over time, I've grown past the past, and I've ended up with a large amount of respect for this young woman who loves my son like he's her own. She's good to him. She treats him like he is a treasured part of her life. She genuinely cares about him....and for that, I will respect her. For that, I will appreciate her. For that, I am blessed.

And I felt compelled to make sure she was aware that I have no bitter blood. No ill will. No desire to be on different teams or for that matter, playing different games. I just wanted her to know that "I know." So on Mother's Day, I sent her a card...yet another card buying experience in my life that showcases the shortcomings of Hallmark. But I found a card that wasn't too cheesy....too lovey dovey....too much. And I wrote a short message that started with "Thank you" and ended with "Happy Mother's Day!"

A year ago, this would have been a futile attempt to take the high road. This wasn't so much about taking the high was more about taking a new road....a road where the past doesn't have to matter anymore...and the future....our future....mine and Sasha's... begins to intertwine in a place of acceptance....not because I want it to....not because she wants it to....but because our little boy has a right to love his mommy....and his Sasha. And because I will do whatever I can to protect the love in his heart....regardless of where it's directed.

For a couple of weeks I heard nothing from Sasha. I wasn't even really sure what she thought of my attempt at bridging this gap between us. But tonight, I feel like a new leaf is turning over. I got a text from her asking for my email address...with a smiley face on the end of it.

I don't expect us to be best friends. I'm not even sure I would want that. But I've got to say, I'm very excited about the thought of communication between us. It's a weird place to be....and a weird person to be there with....but in the words of the only Gary Allen song I've ever liked....

I'll take today, over yesterday...any day.

Goodbye, Bo. Hello, Sasha.


HappyascanB said...

RIP, Bo. I'm definitely giving you a HUGE pat on the back for your card sending to Sasha. THAT is mighty big of you, girl!!

Samantha Rose said...

Since you read Lisa Cheney's blog "Soaked to my Soul", I thought you might be interested in this:

She was a liar, and a thief, and she wronged a friend of mine.

Amy said...

So glad it was well received. :)