Little Bits of Life

I realize that I've been somewhat of a horrid slacker on the blogging as of late. There are several reasons for this.



A. My new job doesn't allow me time to hop on the computer that often to vent my various thoughts and feelings...the only thing I miss about my old desk job....



B. I've had a wee bit o' writer's block lately. I absolutely hate when this happens. But it might have to do with the general fog I've been living under lately due to the fact that....



C. I'm in love. And when you combine the general fog of love with the fact that I'd rather be DOING stuff with OS rather than just WRITING about it you get...

A PRETTY BORING BLOG.

The silver lining in all of this is that for me, a pretty boring blog = a pretty happy life.

Here are some little bits of life that have been going on as of late....

E has peed in the potty a lot more lately. He goes through spurts of liking the potty and then hating it again. This week, he's been fully on board and even narrated as he was going..."Mommy...I peein in the potty....Mommy, I pooted.....Mommy....I peed in floor a wittle bit." Progress comes in all shapes and sizes people....don't judge.

I got an email from Sasha. And wrote one back. And got another email from her. And wrote another one back. I wouldn't call us BFF, but I think we're well on our way to making my son's life much more peaceful and much less dramatic, which is the ultimate goal. I really can't even begin to describe to you what a huge step this is. Admittedly, all of our emails started with some flavor of "I know this is a really strange situation, but..." but all in all it has been a very positive experience.

OS and I joined a gym together.... a family membership....with a contract. Yikes. This means two things.....

A. We're in this together

and

2. I have to go to the gym.

Both are incredibly good things in my life...and both tend to scare the shit out of me. Gyms in general just intimidate me. I feel like I walk in with a giant neon arrow pointing at my head that says, "DOES NOT BELONG, DOES NOT BELONG....SHUUUUUNNNNN THE CHUNKY GIRL...SHUUUNNNN." It's not a good feeling.

But I will do it. I will put forth the effort. I will commit. I will do what I have to do to get the results that I long for.

And in case you haven't caught on yet...being in love scares me. And I think it's safe to say that I am GOOD AND WELL IN LOVE. It's also safe to say that I am GOOD AND WELL SCARED SHITLESS. I've spent a lot of time in the last few days praying through a kind of fear that I haven't experienced in a very long time....the fear of an ending that I just don't ever want to come. Love scares me, because once you've experienced a feeling like this....the thought of not having it anymore is a kind of unbearable that there are no words for. And I don't ever want to find myself in that place. And loving someone means putting yourself in the position for loss...it's scary....it's a thick, choking, kind of scary that is just almost overwhelming enough to make you not want to take that chance....

But I will do it. I will put forth the effort. I will commit. I will do what I have to do to get the results that I long for.

Once this kind of love has hit your lips, there is really no other choice but to put one foot in front of the other...

in the same direction as him.