Thursday, June 11, 2009

Slacker.....sorry little slacker.

Yep, that's me. I'm a slacker.

This week I made a somewhat crazy decision to transition to part-time at work. To a lot of people, this is going to seem crazy and irresponsible. And in all honesty, I can understand that perspective. I mean...I have full time bills and tuition payments....so it makes sense that I would have a full time job. Really....it seems like a no brainer.

But I'm tired. For the past 11 months I have gone NON STOP. If I'm not at work, I'm at school. If I'm not at school, I'm at home writing a paper for school. If I'm not at home writing a paper for school, I'm trying to be a good mommy...and let's call a spade a spade...when you have zero energy after all the things that you HAVE to do....being a good mommy is a lot harder than it should be. My relationship with my child is fine. He knows I'm his mommy, and I know his habits, sayings, favorite blankets, and what to buy for him at the grocery store. But the energy that I have to give him is FAR LESS than he deserves. He deserves

so. much. more.
Then last week, I told my boss I was in school and that in August I would need to leave an hour early from work twice a week. And he told me I had disappointed him and betrayed him. And then he threatened to write me up...to make me sign a piece of paper stating that I was a disappointment and a betrayer. I politely refused and strangled the urge to tell him what he could do with his little piece of paper and instead offered up a couple of workable solutions for all parties involved. (See....all this learning that I've been doing about counseling is paying off!) One of the options was to cut my hours...and the more I thought about doing it...the lighter I felt. So I prayed about it for a couple of days, and yesterday I told him that at the end of the month I would be changing my schedule to work only 20 hours a week.
While this DOES tend to beg the question "how will you pay your bills," the question that I'd rather answer is "what are you going to do with those other 20 hours?" The answer goes something like this....
drop off and pick E up from pre school
take E to the park
take E to the pool
read stories to my baby boy some other time besides just before bed
play in the backyard
cook dinner for my two special guys
take The Dog Who Shits In The Playroom for walks to show her other places to shit
get my house in some kind of order
clean stuff
go to the gym
and basically keep what's left of my sanity. And during those other 20 hours there will be some projects going on that will hopefully supplement my bills. The thing is, I was just too tired to keep going the way I was. And I can't quit being a mom, because God blessed me with that little booger. And I can't quit school, because God specifically told me to go back.
But I can reduce the stress due to my job, and trust that God will provide for the difference. I have peace about it, and as long as that's the case, I can handle pretty much anything. (I'm sure a couple of months from now I'll be blogging about financial stress....and I give all you naysayers the right to say "I told you so" when that happens.
And here's the thing. I know I'm not the only one who's tired and feels like they just can't keep going like they've been going. I know there are tons of stay at home moms who desperately need a break. I know there are tons of people out there who would rather scrape their eyeballs with a paper clip than go to work for another day. I get that you people are out there.
Which leaves me to beg the question...
why don't you do something about it?

3 comments:

Nelle said...

This is SUCH a great post, and one I'm sure I'll need to read over and over again when school and full time work start up for me. I think you made a good decision - as scary as it may seem. At the end of the day, God will provide!

HappyascanB said...

All I gots to say is you. go. girl. I'm proud of you; you're taking a major leap of faith, and God will provide!!!

Jen said...

Congrats on the decision to take some more time for yourself! I am sure that God will provide in every area, in one way or another, 'cause He always does.