And Suddenly Things Make More Sense

Ex just called me.

I always get nervous when he calls and E is with him. As a mom that just makes your heart kind of leap up into your throat in vomitous high jump fashion. And of course, you have to answer the phone. What else could it be about?

Ex and I have had a weird relationship since our divorce. It has gone from the extremes of "getting back together" conversations to "Good Lord, what was I ever thinking?!?!" moments. We've settled somewhere in the vicinity of "I'll give you a kidney if you ever need it, but we really don't have to be best friends." And honestly, life is pretty good that way. I know he's someone that I'll always love, but assuming everything is ok with E, I really have no use for him on a day to day basis (with the exception of the occasional need for directions downtown...he's still handy to have at phone's length if I find myself taking a wrong turn into a ghetto neighborhood. The man is a walking GPS).

So when the phone rang tonight, I assumed something was up with E and answered it nervously. The question that poured forth from Ex's mouth was...unexpected. It wasn't an update on my son's health or a question about potty training or big boy beds. It was...

(and in his defense, he did preface it like he always does with, "Will you hate me if I ask a stupid question?" and I answered like I always do with "I don't know...let's find out.")...

"How do you spell E's middle name?"

Seriously.

E's middle name is Timothy.

1. How many ways can you spell that?

and

2. YOU WERE THERE WHEN WE FILLED OUT THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE! YOU WROTE IT DOWN AND EVERYTHING!

At first I assumed he and the girlfriend were brainstorming baby names. They are unexpectedly expecting their first in August, and I just figured they were working on a passable list. But then Ex told me why he needed the correct spelling...he's tattooing E's name on his heart.

Kind of sweet...because it's very obvious that he loves E more than anything on this earth. But I couldn't resist the urge to offer up the observation that he'll have to go back after the new baby comes to add to the list. And all of his subsequent children will have to have a spot as well.

ME: "You're going to have a booby full of babies."

HIM: "I'll save room for more. See...I do have a brain."

And THAT is what you call "A Can of Worms that is Better Left Unopened."

Dear Ex,

In situations like this, Google is a better bet than a phone call to the ex wife. But thanks for the blog fodder.

Happy to Love you From a Safe Distance,

Me.