Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Winds of Change

A couple of weeks ago I ended things with Mr. Right.

Now, if you'll recall, just a few blogs ago I was as happy as a lark and couldn't ask for anything more.

And then the wind blew, and I changed my mind.

Mr. Right was great. He was wonderful to me. He bought me a new toilet! I mean, it possible for a man to meet your basic needs in any a more obvious way? What better way to really say "I'm here for you" then to provide you with a shiny new piece of porcelain that not only flushes away your crap on command, but does not have a tonka truck wedged in it courtesy of your two-year old?! He really tried hard to be everything I needed. And for a while, I thought it was right where I wanted to be.

But I felt myself getting comfortable having someone to "take care of me." And I don't like that. A lot of people probably think I'm crazy. Who doesn't want someone there to take care of you? Who doesn't want someone who wants to meet your every need? Who doesn't want Prince Charming riding up in a shiny new Lexus to sweep you off your feet?

I always wanted the fairy tale. I spent a rock solid 22 years waiting for Prince Charming and another 5 being disappointed that the man I married wasn't interested in being him. So after all of that energy and effort, you'd think that a wonderfully kind man with a gentle heart and a stable income would be a welcome change. But I very quickly realized that I don't want Prince Charming.

It's not that I don't want to find love. I do. My heart is open to the possibility of falling madly in love and promising my life to someone again. I love the idea of being married again...someday. But I have spent the last 15 months rebuilding my life and claiming my identity. It has been a tremendously long and painful process. But it has been the most rewarding experience of my life. I wouldn't wish the pain of divorce on anyone.

But the value of the tears I cried over these past months is worth so much more to me than the irrational dream of the fairy tale. I don't need Prince Charming. If I happen to find myself trapped in the tower.... better believe I'll make it out on my own.

And maybe...just maybe...when I find my way to freedom...there will be a good man there who will say, "I knew you could do it. And I figured you'd be I brought you a diet coke."

Maybe it's not quite Prince Charming....but dang, it's hard to turn down a diet coke. : )


Robyn said...

Prince Charming doesn't bring diet coke. Prince Charming says "Honey, you don't need to drink diet. Here's a real soda for you. And let's go grab some Mexican food."

True story.

Amy said...

I think maybe Prince Charming just looks completely different than anything you've ever imagined. :)