Wednesday, January 28, 2009


There is a pretty heavy piece of baggage that I’ve been carrying around for a while now that I think I’m ready to unpack. No, I haven’t been on a kick ass vacation in the tropics or a refreshing visit to some remote hot springs. The journey wasn’t nearly that relaxing or rewarding. The baggage didn’t come from a trip where I took a lot of pictures to post in a new Facebook photo album. I don’t carry it with me because it brings back fond memories.

I lug it around, because I just haven’t found anywhere else to put it.

On the side of the bag is a word that is winning games with my mind. But I’m tired of carrying it around with me. It’s been weighing me down, so I’m ready to unpack. I’m almost scared to even unzip the bag for fear of the sheer mess of crap that could come tumbling out of it. Stand back…here it goes.

I’m unpacking disappointment. It wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t what it should have been. But it was what it was. And that is ok.

I’m unpacking shame. There is no need for it. I showed up, and that is enough.

I’m unpacking anger. It takes more energy than peace, and leaves deeper wrinkles.

I’m unpacking failure. I can honestly say that I gave it everything I had. I fought a good fight with every ounce of energy in me. So in the end, that’s anything but failure.

I’m unpacking fear. What reason do I have to fear an ending, when an ending opens the door to the next beginning? Just like my two year old I should run with reckless abandon…and if I fall down, I will simply get back up again.

I’m unpacking regret. The journey didn’t go quite as planned…but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t value to be gleaned from the experience. So let the gleaning begin.

There it is. The bag is unpacked, and my whole mess of crap is now out in the open, naked and vulnerable for all to see. For some reason I think if it’s out there it will not be able to hurt me. If I face the contents of the bag head on, with conviction and strength, if I call the mess in the bag what it really truly is, then I have more power over it than it does over me. If I pour out the contents and let them scatter to the wind...

... then I win.

If I unpack the bag, I can move on.
Start over. Clean slate. Second chance. Lighter load. Mulligan.

The word on the side of the bag is LOVE. And with the old unpacked,

there is room for something new.


Amy said...

I. Love. You. A whole big bunch!

Amy said...
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Anonymous said...

I'll just say this: I've never met someone who deserves to be loved as much as you do.

Life deals people bad hands everyday, but it also deals good ones. When it deals you a good one, don't be afraid to bet. You might come home with a winner; or at least someone who will always love and respect you, let you fall asleep on the couch watching DVDs with them, or have a 2-liter caffeine-free diet coke in their fridge waiting for you when your day's gone bad.

Did I mention I just went shopping? ;)

Anonymous said...
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