The status between The Medic and me has been downgraded to "really good friends." I think I managed to meet someone who is possibly more confused by relationships than I am. Who knew someone like that could even exist in this world and function in such a manner as to convince his fellow humans that he's normal! At any rate, I'm ok with this new development, and I'm glad that I am able to keep my friend out of it. In all honesty, it would have been great if he had been "the one," but I was really starting to get an inkling that we were just keeping each other company on the journey. Once the excitement of the "new" wore off, it was more of a comfort just to have someone to text during the day. I hope we can keep that up on a lesser level...we'll see.
The thing is, it was easier to blog about my innermost thoughts than to express them openly to him, and that's probably not the mark of a deepening relationship. There were actually a lot of good things to come out of this little experience. It brought out a lot of issues that I think hinder my dating life, but it's one of those weird "Gee, God, wish you could have come up with another way to get my attention" kind of mixed blessings.
I'm kind of tired of dating. The entire past year has felt pretty much like a non stop interview. I haven't been good at it. I have such a deep desire to have a healthy, reciprocal relationship that I get really excited about new prospects. But, and this inevitably happens, they are always either much more into me than I am into them, or I'm crazily infatuated with someone who is just an absolutely horrible choice for me. The Medic was the first person that forced me into a situation of actually thinking things through and LETTING IT BE. I didn't realize at the time that it was because he has his own mountains of confusion to climb, but it was very much a learning experience for me. I care about him very much as a person, so I'm glad that we're able to downgrade without either of us having hard feelings or bitterness. I've learned that's a rarity!
Maybe I should take a break from dating for a little while. It has zapped my energy in the last year, and I'm learning that I do it for the wrong reasons. I'm sure this time next week I'll be blogging about how bored I am and how great it would be to go out for the night...but for now I think a breather is in order.
Welcome to LETTING. IT. BE....the sequel.