Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Auf Wiedersehen Aspartame

So the other day I read someone's blog. Sorry for this epic fail, but I really don't remember who it was. I was whoring around the blogosphere, and can't for the life of me remember where I saw this little tidbit. If it was your blog, speak up and I'll totally link to you. My bad. (She totally caught me in the midst of my brain fart...thanks to Robyn for ridding me of this poison!)

Anyway...this blogger was talking about how she loved diet coke until she read that aspartame was poison. Really? Poison? My diet coke? No! But because I felt in my gut it might be true, I googled "side effects of aspartame" and realized that yes...the makers of diet coke are trying to kill me slowly with their thirst quenching bubbly goodness.

As it turns out, there are 92...yes, 92 health symptoms related to aspartame consumption. Read about them here. Most of them, thankfully, do not apply to me...yet....but here are a few of the ones that do:

ringing in the ears
trouble with contact lenses
restless legs
insomnia (wait..didn't I just say drowsiness...I'm a freak.)
low blood sugar
increased craving for sweets
memory loss...
(I blame not knowing which blog I was reading on the makers of diet coke. Totally NOT.MY.FAULT.)

So...all that said, I'm going off aspartame, which translates to no more diet coke for this diet coke lover. It's a sad, sad day here at Grace.Gets.Greater. I mean really...I've already limited myself to one chicken burrito a week and now this. Can life really get any worse? Yeah...don't answer that!

How am I ever going to cut diet coke out of my diet? Lucky for me, there is a 10 step program on the website to assist addicts like myself. Awesome, right??? Not so much. I mean the first step made sense I guess. If you're on a mission to remove aspartame from your diet, it makes sense that step 1 would be "Remove aspartame from your diet." Brilliant. There were a couple of other steps in there that seemed reasonable. "Replenish nutrients. Exercise and Get Plenty of Rest." But steps 4 and 10 really threw me for a loop:

Step 4: Be Happy With Yourself
Step 10: Get Control of Your Life

What a revelation! It wasn't the pain of divorce that caused me to be depressed or feel out of control! It wasn't the moving around and the starting over! It wasn't the fact that nothing was turning out like I had wanted it to! No....none of that had anything to do with my roller coaster life over the past year! IT WAS THE ASPARTAME! And now that I know that...I'm so much happier with myself and feel so much more in control of my life. Cursed be the evil coke company for slowly poisoning my self esteem and life's ambitions with their wretched faux sugar food additive! I shake my fist at you in dismay! You hear that??? I SHAKE MY FIST AT YOU!

Apparently I'm cranky this morning. It's a really fine line as to whether or not the blame lies with aspartame detox or the fact that I'm drinking gross unsweet tea and had yogurt for breakfast instead of a succulent chicken burrito. Yes...very fine line indeed.


Lora said...


I actually have been unconsciously eliminating diet coke just from trying to police my drinking of water more. I carry my SIGG everywhere. There's no room for a diet coke bottle too!

There IS diet coke with splenda. you could perhaps wean yourself that way?

And I had NO IDEA that trouble with contacts could be linked to DC. That just makes me more determined to continue to only drink one very, very rarely.

You GO girl!

(and I owe you an email. this afternoon, I promise :0)

robyn said...

it was my profile on my blog... a friend of mine told me about aspartame side effects... so i try not to use any artificial sweeteners (splenda/sucralose is a bit better, but not great) and use the real ones in moderation... (i might have a regular coke a week... and a diet coke once in a blue moon because i miss it sometimes.)

stevia (truvia) is a natural sweetener that is sugar-free, but i just use the regular stuff for my coffee.

HappyascanB said...

I am definitely a diet coke junkie. And I do not apologize. However, I do have issues with my contacts and I forget random little things all the time. I'm sure that's just me, though. Definitely not the aspertame. . . . I LOVE your blog! You're so fun!!!

Cassie said...

HIlARIOUS!! I was shakin my fist right along with ya!! So, what happends if you have these side effects and have never touched a diet coke??? OMG... :)

Julie said...

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear any of that for all the ringing in my ears. Could you pass me a diet coke?
Love your blog :) Welcome to the SITS community.