C-phobia

It's official. I'm a commitment phobe.

I realized this over the course of the past couple of days as I was sorting things out in my head about the HM. The HM continues to be remarkably sweet, available, and pleasant to be around. I enjoy his company and am glad that we met. He's one of those guys that I think any girl would be lucky to have.

However, the thought of committing myself to a relationship at this point freaks me out. As I sorted this out in my mind I realized it's because one of 3 things is bound to happen should dating turn into "Hey look, I just changed my facebook status, and now I'm in a relationship for the whole world to see."

1. I'll get hurt.

2. I'll hurt him.

3. We'll get married.

I DON'T LIKE ANY OF THESE OPTIONS!

Do I want a relationship? Um...do people like Paris Hilton better when she's made of wax? YES! HELL YES! What I DON'T want is another painful ending. With that thrown out there into the blogosphere, I think it's safe to say that what I want and what I'm ready for may be very different. The thing is...when I do something, I DO IT. I don't want to get into a relationship that I don't feel ready to give 100%.

And as much as I hate it...I don't feel up to 100% just yet. I'd like to think I was there...but I'm pretty sure that when the thought of making yourself vulnerable to a relationship again puts you on the floor in the fetal position sucking your thumb....odds are....you're not there yet. Just a hunch.

At any rate, the HM handled the "I'm scared poopless" conversation like the true champ that I believe he is...and he has agreed to stick around in true HM fashion for dates and dinner and other non-committed type activities with absolutely no expectation whatsoever. See what I mean??? Handy.

In other news, on Saturday I was the proud owner of a really old house with one lonely little prickly shrub out front. As of Sunday afternoon, I am the proud owner of this:

LANDSCAPING!!!

Obviously there is still a lot to be done....but I am now one of those people who can dance around like the true dork that I am proclaiming, "Get a load of my symmetrical foliage!" And even better...I did it all by myself.

Ok...that last part isn't true. I planned to do it all by myself. But then the Neighbor Lady, apparently over the fact that I broke her son's heart, came out and told me I would never get finished shoveling the way I was. So she may have helped a little.....