I've heard about you, but until now, I didn't really know what the fuss was about. There are a lot of people in the room. It's kind of dark...there are only candles to light the front of the room. It's quiet. My boyfriend is sitting next to me with his head in his hands. There is something stirring inside of me. I can't really explain it, because this is a place that I've never really visited before.
It's amazing how quiet it is in the room, and how loud it is in my head. There is an argument...a marriage of strange voices that I don't recognize urging me to act, yet ridiculing me for the thought of doing so. The man in the front of the room continues to speak...but I stopped hearing his words long ago. The voices in my head are louder than he.
My cranberry colored sweater is itchy. I'm hot. I'm uncomfortable. This room is not big enough for the size of the thoughts swimming in my head. Breathing is more difficult in this room than it should be. I look around....maybe someone will open a door and let some air in.
Moment, what if people are watching? What if people realize that I've been an impostor? What if they notice? What if they know...finally? I don't want to get up. Don't make me get up.
And then there's the voice in my head again...."Get up. It's time."
I stand and walk out the door to the side, where I'm met by a lady...her name tag is friendly, "Hello. My Name Is....Connie." We sit. She begins talking....I begin crying. And then nothing is the same as it once was.
Moment, I finally get what the fuss was all about. After years of hearing about this place, I have arrived. I know what it means. I know what it's about. I know....it's not about me. Connie hands me a book and an ink pen, and still friendly, instructs me to write the date followed by 4 words. I begin writing...my hand is a little shaky...my breath coming easier than before....easier than ever before....just 4 little words...but Moment, there was nothing little about them.
October 27, 1996
I accepted Jesus Christ.
Dear Moment, thanks for the memory.
Dear Lord....for everything else.